It isn't until years later, as she watches her eldest daughter clean sauce from her youngest son's chin, that she understands.

Leaving Narnia, her friends, her home, her life, had been pain. So much pain that she wanted to curl up and die, to wrap herself in her blankets and never leave her bed, to lock herself in a wardrobe until she found a way Through, or died of dehydration, whichever the Lion willed to come first.

But pain fades, even if only from blinding to burning, and her tears dried (or she hid them better), and she swallowed her screams, and spent every moment avoiding the thought of it.

And while at first, the act of deliberate forgetting brought Narnia to mind more than it banished it, slowly, it grew easier.

Easier to change the subject when the war with Gelma came up, easier to not notice how Lucy was growing her hair out so she could style it after the fashion of the fauns, easier to believe that it was normal for her teenage brothers not to have calluses on their hands.



She tried to help her siblings forget too, to help them sink into the muddied waters of England's Life-as-a-dream, to dull the pain of their loss.

But she never could, and it isn't until she holds her newborn to her breast she understands why.

Because Lucy had taught her daughter to read Narnian, glyph by elagent glyph. Because to Edmund, Narnian woods couldn't properly be viewed without his son's weight on his shoulder. Because to Peter, Rhinnon's hilt still showed the fingerprints of his gangly daughter a thousand years after she used it to defend a birdnest from a pair of serpents.




She hoped her siblings were with their families once more.

Title: Cling
Author: lyamainu
Theme:
Genre: Angst/Romance
Version: Manga
Rating: G

He clung to her, face pressed into her soft belly. Her dress rustled as she brought her arms down to cradle him.

"I have to go," she whispered softly, voice straining through tears, "they'll notice I'm gone."

He squeezed his eyes shut and cursed duty, politics, war and every other reason she was leaving his arms.

The transporter flickered in the moonlight, and she half turned away, face worried. "Did you see-"

He stood up swiftly and cut her off, kissing her with everything he had. A small sound escaped her, before she relaxed, and clung to him as well. He could feel wetness on their faces, and wasn't sure which of them was crying.

Too soon though, she pressed a hand to his chest, and he broke the kiss, stepped back, and turned away, refusing to watch her disappear from his life forever.

The transporter crackled, and then, silence.

Title: Fealty
Author: lyamainu
Theme: Pledge
Genre: General
Version: Manga
Rating: PG


The floor beneath her knees was hard enough to hurt. Her arms strained with the effort of holding them in the perfect subservient salute. She heard the rustle of Kunzite's uniform as he once again began the complicated hand motions of the Terran Loyalty ceremony. She fought the urge to glance at him, instead focusing on the blue, blue, blue eyes to which she was once again swearing her fealty.

Kunzite's muttering slowly got louder as he reached the crescendo of the chant - sacred words only uttered in sacred spaces, in a language so old its meaning was forgotten at the dawn of the Silver Millennium. It took nearly forty-five minutes to recite properly; forty-five minutes she'd been kneeling, one arm extended to her side, the other pressed against her forehead.

Sweat trickled down her forehead, her heart was pounding, and she didn't think she'd ever been so terrified. The enormity of what she was about to do...

The chanting ceased abruptly, and though she never looked away from Serenity, she could see in her mind's eye Kunzite raising his arms in the air and slowly bringing them down as he spoke the final, binding words of the vow, eyes, she was sure, locked on Endymion's.

"My hand in yours. My sword with yours. My life for yours always and forever."

As he spoke the words she felt a hot knife in her soul, and she gasped, eyes clenching, teeth tearing her bottom lip in anguish as the corresponding Lunar ceremony began.

For all its pretty words and movements, the Terran loyalty ceremony was only as binding as those who participated in it chose it to be.

The Lunarian ceremony had no words, no actions.

Only the agony of the Ginzuishu tearing her soul apart, searching for any hint of rebellion, of disloyalty, of anything that she might place before her monarch.

She was ripping, tearing, psychic limbs being torn away from each other more painfully than if her physical body had been drawn and quartered. She was naked, open, bearing everything, every thought, every desire, every pain, every piece of her soul to... to her.

Then it ended, and she fell forward, gasping, eyes wrenching open at last to stare at the tears streaming down Serenity's face.

Serenity opened her mouth, trying to speak, but no sound came out. She shut it, closed her eyes, swallowed, and opened again, but again, silence. She glanced at her husband who took her hand and stepped forward, acting as her voice.

"What you two are doing today is not often attempted. Marriage is difficult enough without having prior oaths binding you. You have each vowed anew those words you have spoken twice before - once at our coronation, and once in lives long past.

You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found worthy. Speak the words of your heart."

She turned to Kunzite, tried to ignore the worry in his eyes (when would he learn that she was as much a soldier as he - and not afraid of pain?), grasped his hand, fingers entwined in the sacred symbol, and, with him, intoned their marriage vows:

"I swear my life and love to you, for now and for all eternity. With the willful spilling of my blood I so swear, and may Heaven strike me down if I act against you. So I speak, so I intend -"

"And so let it be done!" Serenity and Endymion chorused the last words with them.

And then there was only the cheering of the crowd, the catcalls of Jadeite, and Kunzite's lips on hers, fingers tight together, and their future before them.

Title: Searching
Author: Lyamainu
Theme: Father Figure
Genre: Angst
Version: Manga
Rating: (G - NC-17)

Her knee hurts
and Papa is busy
(again)
and Mama is busy
(again)
and she is only
three
years
old
and she needs a parent,
not an android
for a nanny.

Mercury's eyes are
(hard, cold,
distant)
Analyzing,
as she announces the bruise
(on her knee,
Ami never could see wounds of the
heart)
to be utterly fine
and sends her off with a wave of the hand
mind already light years away.

She tries to find Puu next
but the door is locked
and she cannot
find
the key.

She finds Jaedite in the gardens
sweeping the walkway
(Mars must be angry
again)
and he is so busy
talking to himself, that
he never sees her
(not that he ever does).

A few herb patches away
is Jupiter
arms crossed against her chest
to contain her anger
as she stares down a red faced
(looks like a valentine, all
ruby hearts)
Venus, who's voice is cutting
and who's hand
rests on her sword.

A few taps on a wall console
show Mars doing Mama's hair
while Mama reads
(another)
report. Both are utterly consumed
and she walks away from the hallway leading
to them.

She keeps to the
shadows
knowing all the holes in the security feed
that are just the right size
for a chibi
and never thinks to wonder
what she will do
when she gets bigger.

Zoicite is in the kitchen
observing the food testing
for dinner
eyes glued to the readout
of the servant's vitals
watching for any sign
of illness.
(she wonders if he thinks about
whether the servant wants to
die
for her country)

She knows
without looking
that Nephrite is in the Astronomy Tower
and that he is not. to. be. disturbed.

She peeks around a pillar
into Papa's office
Luna's hair obscuring his face
from her
though she imagines it
cold
as he speaks to Artemis

Her Nanny scuttles through the corridor
scanning for one
lost
little princess
who should be in class.

Kunzite sees her
even though she hides
quiet
like a mouse
behind the couch.
He picks her up
and puts her on his lap
soft hand soothing the bruise on her knee
as he continues to watch the security feed
chin resting on her head.

She falls asleep.

Title: The Choices We Make
Author: lyamainu
Theme: "Evil is impotent and has no power..."
Genre:
Version: Manga
Rating:

Ami sat at the library table, staring at the numbers on the page in front of her, but not really seeing them. Her mind was filled with visions of green eyes and curly hair, and a smile so small, just a quirk of his cheek really, that no one but her would notice.

Her smile. Just hers. One no one else could even see.

She groaned, and gathered her things up. Maybe studying in the arcade would be better - the noise would take enough effort to ignore that she might be able to concentrate on her work.

She hoped.

aaaaa

She sat in Minako's rooms, waiting for Aphrodite-incarnate to finish doing her hair and makeup. She lounged on the red bedcover, eyes roving about the room as Minako chattered on about her date with Kunzite the night before - checking an energy disturbance of all things. The two were soldiers 'till the end.

"Do you ever have nightmares about dying?" She interrupted the blonde swiftly, meeting surprised blue eyes in the mirror.

"Of course I do," Minako said, "I'm terrified someday something will happen to Her, and I won't be alive to stop it-"

"No. The first time." Ami's eyes were scrutinizing. Minako put her hairbrush down.

"Well, we knew what might happen when we left for D-point, though I wish we had thought of a way to make it-"

"The first time."

Minako turned around in her seat.

"I barely remember that," she said slowly, "it was a whole other lifetime." Her eyebrow quirked.

"Right," Ami agreed, "a whole other lifetime."

But she wondered.

aaaa

Rei was separating boxes of incense while Ami checked the math of the shrine's budget. Their silence was companionable until the Miko bridged it softly.

"You can tell me - whatever it is - if you want too." The young woman's eyes were calm, but intense. "You don't have to carry this burden alone; I sense it's disturbing you quite a deal."

Ami didn't bother looking up from the computer.

"How have you and Jadeite been?"

"Fine." Only years of friendship allowed Ami to hear the surprise in Rei's answer. "We're going out this Saturday."

"Does he ever scare you?" Now she did look up, strait into Rei's surprised eyes.

"No," she said firmly, "never."

"Never," Ami whispered, turning back to the computer. "Never say never."

aaaaa

Makoto twirled in the western style wedding dress she had picked out. Ami stood to the side, perusing veils.

"I still can't quite believe it," the bride said breathlessly, "after all this time - two lifetimes Nephrite and I are finally going to be together."

"It could have happened a lifetime ago," Ami muttered to herself, bending forward to examine the beading of the veil she was holding, "had he not murdered you."

Makoto paused, looking at her. "What was that?"

"Nothing," Ami assured her, "just thinking aloud." She watched her friend dance.

aaaaaa

Ami watched the fine boned man in the bed next to her. Copper curls were tussled from the evening's activities, his chest rose and fell rhythmically, and the brand new wedding band on his hand gleamed.

The hand wearing its match snuck under her pillow, and gripped the dagger there tightly.

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

Title: Revelations
Author:lyamainu
Theme: Glove?
Genre: General
Version: Animanga
Rating: G

All and all, he wasn't surprised.

He should have been, he knew. After all, wouldn't most guys be shocked to find out their best friends were superheros? It certainly didn't happen everyday. At least, not that he was aware of. But the waves of shock and disbelief he expected to incapacitate him... didn't. Mamoru stood there, eyes tight, waiting for the avalanche that never came.

Because, when he thought about it, it made perfect sense,

_Of course_ Mamoru was the Prince of Earth. _Of course_ he was a caped hero. _Of course_ his love for Usagi was destined. It fit him like a glove. Every kitten Mamoru had ever climbed a tree for, every failing freshman he tutored, every swimmer he rescued flashed through Motoki's mind,leaving him with only one thing to say:

"Oh. Is _that_ all you had to tell me?"

1. Did you kiss anyone?
Only 100 times a day.

2. Did you reject anyone?
Nope.

3. Are you going to kiss someone when the ball drops?
My Hubby!

4. Did you lose any friends?
No.

5. Did you gain any friends?
No.

6. Did you do something new?
I got a dog!

7. Did anyone important to you die?
Cocoa.

8. Did you change?
Very much so.

9. Are you happy with the year all over?
It felt... in betweenish.

10. What's the funnest thing that you did?
Life.

12. Are you happy the years almost over?
Yep.

13. Are you going to change something about yourself next year?
Try to get out more.

14. Do you think 2008 will be a better year then 2007?
I hope so, life should always get better!

20. Did you go on a summer vacation?
The whole year was a vacation.

21-Did you lie to your parents?
Erm.... I think so.. . can't remember specifics.

22-Did you get into a fight?
Nick prefers the term "debate".

23-Did you leave the country?
Nuh-uh, but the trip to England's coming up!

24-Did you have a good birthday?
That... was a long time ago.

25-Did anyone in your family get married?
Nope, but David will in a few weeks.

26-Do you think you grew?
I think I'm much more patient and mature now.

27. Did you dye your hair?
No, and hopefully I never will again.

28. Who do you think you were on the phone with the most?
My husband.

29. Did anyone sing to you?
Nick sings to me all the time.

30. Did you sing to anyone?
To everyone, everywhere.

31. Did anyone tell you they loved you?
Lots of people!

32. Did you ever go to the hospital?
Not for myself, but I stayed with Elena and Dash.

33. What did you drink and eat the most?
Water and oatmeal.

34. Did you change your profile over 10 times?
I doubt it.

35. Did you change your default at least 20 times
Nani?

36. Did you get a tattoo?
Nope.

37. Did you vote?
There was a miscommunication.

38. Are you going to make a new years resolution?
To be more active.

39. Did you stick to your new years resolution from last year?
*hysterical laughter*

40. Think you'll date someone in 2008?
I'm off the market.

41. Where will you be when the ball drops?
My parents.

42. Do you think you will make new friends in 2008?
*crosses fingers*

43. Are you hoping to meet someone special in 2008?
Maybe, maybe I'll have a baby... if the Lord allows.

44. How do you feel, another year has passed you by?
Hopeful.

Rather than count all the myriad differences in her children, Helen’s mind seemed to stick to one fact, one change, one inexplicable personality trait that hadn’t existed before their summer in the country:

Her children were vegetarian.

She had saved for weeks, tucking away what coins she had into a little tin, until, when her babies (they were home, by the Lion of Judah they were home!) returned she prepared the most beautiful rack of lamb ever seen upon the shores of England.

Their reactions were less than to be desired.

Peter stared at the meat, a slight trace of confusing marring his perfect brow. Lucy’s eyes welled up with tears. Edmund (so polite now, he had never been the peacemaker before) had murmured some compliment, while carving a peace for himself and Susan, who, with a face of carved marble, took a bite with grace. Before she had even finished chewing though, she had rushed to the watercloset, the sound of retching echoing through the room.

Edmund stood, staring after her, holding the bloody knife in his hand. Peter, who had been rubbing Lucy’s back consolingly, took that moment to compliment the cherry pie she had made for dessert.

******

The first snow of the winter brought nightmares.

Where once there would have been muffled shouts, squeals of joy

OMG ZACK DIDN'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!

So, I'm going through a bit of a Narnia craze at the moment, and thought I'd post my thoughts.

I LOVED both movies. It would be hard trying to decide which I loved more - movies or books? The movies add all sorts of character, and subtext and awesomeness, but the books are THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA. Really. Childhood and Religion all wrapped up into one.

About the characters:

Caspian - I liked him, he was decent, but I didn't really LOVE him in either the movie or the books. So... meh.

Lucy - Perfect, pure-hearted girl, the only one who never needs to learn "The Lesson"*. She's the only one who sees the big picture, sees how everyone has their own place and no one is greater or lesser than any other.

Peter - I was in love with Peter in LWW. PC killed it. Well, not killed it, so much as subverted it. Peter was wonderfully, gloriously human, and after he got it in his head that he wasn't there to win back his throne, he learned "The Lesson". I cried in the beginning, when he was so lost, acting so beneath himself because he couldn't find a way to act how he thought he should. I was very glad when he found himself again.

Edmund - The reason I'm no longer in love with Peter. He annoyed me in LWW; I accepted his redemption but he didn't really get a chance to prove himself to me. PC made me love him. I was swooning, weeping about how I'd never meet him when I realized - I'm married to him! Edmund, in Prince Caspian, is my own, beloved husband! Only about 10 yrs older. And not owning the cool armor.